Tuesday, September 25, 2007

living in the gray

I don't know about you but when my life isn't totally exciting or on the opposite spectrum really low and sometimes dramatic,i find it hard to know how to live. We as addicts are used to black and white thinking but i have found on my journey towards recovery that life has a lot of gray in between Moments in life which i call gray days.Those days when it seems you have nothing to look forward to and their is nothing dramatic going on. Regular old days are the hardest for me. I sometimes don't know how to function without excitement or drama whether it be bad or good. I know it is important for me to learn to live in the gray because in most people's lives that makes up most the majority of their time.I feel particularly lonely without excitement. When i was 550 lbs there was always something dramatic going on and as i lost weight there was a tremendous amount of excitement but now i am in the gray again and trying to be ok with it. I know there is always excitement around the corner but i must learn to function when life is quiet. I would love to hear if anyone out there can relate to this gray day syndrome? with love..... stacey

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The day that changed my life …

Hi my friends
I could not miss blogging today, this being such an important day in history and in my life personally. I watched the memorial on television today and still can not believe the tragedy of the whole thing. All those innocent lives lost and the poor people left behind to carry on. My heart and prayers are with them all. I sit here and think how six years ago today was a changing point in my life. Living so close to “ground zero” I remember the horror I felt not only for those people but also for myself. I was over 500 pounds and stuck in my elevator apartment building. I didn’t know if my building was next, how would I get out? If I did get out, where was I going? People were running around like crazy, I couldn’t run, I could barely walk. Something clicked that day and I new if I lived through this I had to make a big change in my life, the rest is history and an ongoing one at that.

I wanted to share two important things with you today on this important anniversary for me. The first is “let the shopper beware”. Wow, I mean wow! I know when it comes to food I am an addict. I also know that I am not cured and right now I have the “tiger by the tail” but I have to watch those addictive patterns. I mean with the shopping. In the past whatever money I had went for two things; one being food (that is obvious) and the other being my beauty. My make-up and personal things like that. Oh, right once in awhile I paid a bill or two. Very little went for shopping. Who could shop? They didn’t have drive thru shopping, (emmm an idea). I had a dress maker who once or twice a year I picked out material and she made me outfits. That was shopping. Now that I don’t spend as much time and money on eating I spend a lot of time walking and “window shopping” and sometimes that is exactly what I do… I buy the window!! I have to stop, it is like I am trying to make up for all the lost years. It is great to go into a store and buy something off the rack and on sale. Whew! What a concept. Then living in Manhattan doesn’t help… the shopping capital of world. Okay breathe deeply, I’ll be all right! Seriously I have to, we have to watch out for these substitutions of one addiction for another some can be expensive, and some can be dangerous all can be costly. Let’s keep in touch about this and talk about it.

The other thing I wanted to share with all of you especially those of you in the Tri-state area. On September 29th I will be at the NY City "Walk from Obesity" event at Riverside Park in Manhattan at 97th Street signing books starting at 9:30am for this all day event. If you are interested in walking go to www.walkfromobesity.com. You can also make donations. I have to admit at first I thought it was kind of funny (I always use my sense of humor, it has gotten me through my worst of times) a walk-a-thon for obese people. We can’t walk, where are we going? Now an eat-a-thon, now there we would raise some serious money. Seriously, it is a great cause and many participants walk on behalf of those unable to do so, because obesity has stolen their mobility, dignity, hope or life. So many people have loved ones in their family who suffer from this disease. Things have to change. More medical research, insurance attitudes and laws have to change too. This can all start with your help and participation. So if you can please help!
If possible come on down and see me, we can chat a bit, I would love to meet you!

So on this memorable day I hope that you all have a peaceful day and it too can be a pivotal day in your life too!

With love
Stacey