Thursday, October 25, 2007

"The Dating Game"

It has been a month since last time I blogged,I felt it was time.Have any of you losers(and i mean weight)lost most or all of your weight and started back dating?HOLY COW!!! My real age and dating age are two different numbers. When it comes to knowing how to do this thing called "dating" pardon my french but I suck at it! I may look mature and act sophisticated on the outside but when it comes to dating my age is about 17 and its getting older all the time which is a good thing. The big issue for me is the body image problem, some of you may have more or less of it depending from where you came physically and emotionally but coming from a three hundred pound weight loss it has been a big issue.First of all they already think something must be a little wrong with me as i have never been married yet. In a lot of cases they may have cause to be worried, I don't feel i want to blurt out my whole history to every man i meet or date because if the truth be known i was married, to my food addiction that is ,which came in the form of a large monkey on my back and unless i feel safe to share these thoughts or think that this man may have potential for me why else would i share this info? The first yr dating I blurted out all my imperfections on the first or second date.I wanted to warn them all ahead of time and I had this idea if i showed them my body right away if i was rejected at least i had not fallen for them yet which would mean less hurt. The problem with that was I have never been nor ever will be a promiscuous women, so that behavior did not last long. Now it is five and a half yrs later since my gastric bypass surgery and even with eleven plastic surgeries it will never be right. However the lucky part is that with my clothes on nobody would ever have believed i had once weighed 500 pounds! I'm doing a lot better at not chasing men off so fast but I still have a ways to go, In my heart I want to believe that I will fall in love someday with a man who can in fact look past all the imperfections and love me the way I deserve to be loved the way everybody deserves to be loved .Inside of me is a very sensual women just waiting to come out of her shell but waiting for someone I am sure I can trust. My vow holds strong I will not go back!!! xo stacey

6 Comments:

Blogger Dawn said...

Hi Stacey! Thanks for all of your posts. I weighed 336 pounds in July of 2006 and decided to make a change. I have lost 105 pounds to date. Although I haven't started dating yet - it too scares me to death. I have a lot more guys interested these days but haven't even let myself date - probably a little fear going on there. And, I want someone to respect me for who I am inside and not what I look like on the outside. The change I am making on the outside is to actually live longer and have a life that I can actually enjoy without worrying about walking up a flight of stairs or around the block. Thanks for your encouragement and insights!!

October 26, 2007 at 8:22 AM  
Anonymous Becca said...

First of all - congratulations on your accomplishments, you are truly an inspiration!

I'm no dating expert, just a shy chubby girl who pushed herself out of her comfort zone in the hopes of meeting someone wonderful....and I did (after meeting a couple of not-so-wonderfuls)! It sounds like you are doing the right thing - just keep going out! Have fun and focus on meeting new people. You are putting alot of pressure on yourself (I know exactly how that feels). Focus on having a great conversation with someone....then getting to know them a little better...then think about whether you enjoy eachother's company....whether you'd like to see them again. I know that it's difficult but the best thing that you can do for yourself is to forget about the what-ifs and look for a friend ; ) It's important that you take the pressure off of yourself so that you can enjoy yourself and show people how fabulous you are! It sounds like you are a vibrant, friendly person - you should have no problem finding someone to enjoy your time with! It's mom advice but I'll give it anyway: Just be yourself! If they don't like you that's their problem! Oh yeah and ... Don't give up - this should be fun!!

October 28, 2007 at 3:35 AM  
Anonymous stacey said...

Dear Dawn,
what i got from your post is that this time you are really doing it for you! Do you have any idea how important that is. You are also doing it for a lot more then outer beauty and i applaud you! One day nobody will say anything about your weightloss anymore, no parades thrown in your honer and it is this time that seperates the men from the boys! This is when you find out for sure if you did it for the right reasons and i think you have. I wish you all the best. your friend in battle... stacey

October 29, 2007 at 8:47 PM  
Anonymous stacey said...

Becca,
You must give your mom a hug from me! I think that is the best advise anyone has ever given me on men. I'm so worried about the day i might have to take my clothes off that i do not act myself at all! My personality is my real selling point so not acting myself is self sabatoge! This is what i mean when people tell me i have no idea how much i've helped them, and i tell them NO, you have no idea how you helped me! Thank you Becca i really appreciated the advice. To my vow i hold strong i will never go back......stacey

October 29, 2007 at 8:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Stacey,
I just wrote you an email but wanted to tell you again how inspiring you are to me. I am getting GBS in a couple months and reading about you journey has really helped me. On the dating thing. Any man that would reject you because of a few physical flaws and scars is not worthy of your attention. God bless you and please know you deserve to be loved by someone w is worthy of you.
Take care,
Beth

November 7, 2007 at 9:18 PM  
Anonymous Yanna said...

Ohhhh I sooooooo want to tackle this dating/relationship/intimacy topic :::rubbing my hands together, cracking knuckles::: Becca is so RIGHT ON TARGET! However, I’m compelled to branch this out even further... Sometimes I feel I can write a book on this topic since I have all too many opinions about it, and they are BIG opinions to which I stand on solid ground with! A few of those opinions are that :::acting like someone really asked for them --chuckle, snicker, snort--oops!::: Don’t ever sell yourself short! The “getting it over with in the beginning" attitude to see if whatever blemishes your body may have can be tolerated in hopes of sparing yourself some hurt later down the line HAS GOT TO GO! Doing that will only HURT ALL THE MORE in the long run and ROB YOU of the self-esteem you've worked so hard to regain! What you hold “inside you” to give is a precious treasure and reserved to give to only that special someone who recognizes it for the gift it truly is and will accept it with the tenderness it deserves. Finding that special someone takes time, patience, involves exploring other things first and building trust. Have fun with the dating, you’ll know when the time is right. I personally love life’s good, bad, unexpected, and ugly. If life was never without suffering we’d never really know what happiness truly is, therefore I’m grateful for the sufferings in life too, for it guides me towards knowing what to truly value... and you ARE valuable!

I don't care what weight a person is at or what blemishes they may have on their body, people in a loving relationship have the right to feel and enjoy being “loved-on” to the MAX with their significant other without having inhibitions or fears over it! :::putting my serious face on::: People are all created with the same feelings, needs, and desires no matter what size they come in :::leaning forward, raising eyebrows, peering over glasses::: People are born to be loved! When babies are born they are held, nurtured, rocked, pampered, comforted, kissed, etc... Point being... love is taught, expressed, and felt from the start! Bonds are created! Love is given and received FREELY. Now, will all that stop and be taken away if the baby started to gain too many pounds and became overweight? Oh I would surely hope and think not! That baby still requires lovin’!

OK... now let’s go here... let’s say you have a pet… You play with it, pet it, rub it’s belly, pick it up and caress it, let it lick you all over your face, some may let it sleep in their bed and will cuddle with and pet it till they fall asleep, etc… so if the pet suddenly started to gain pounds and became overweight, would all that lovin’ now stop? Of course not! So are we to treat our pets better or give them more than what we are to give each other? What a sad world if we do!

OK... so what on earth does all this have to do with being self-conscious of the body image? We start off at birth with needs and desires of giving and receiving love, and all considerations are made to give and receive that love and affection. As we enter into adulthood those needs and desires to give and receive love grow other branches and forms, which MUST also include all those same considerations made when giving and receiving that love. If you’re in a relationship and the time has come where you’ve fallen in love and both have that yearning to “take the plunge”... well then that is the time to express your inner self and NOT the time for a fashion show of body measurements, an exhibition of war wounds, or a time to count how many blemishes ones body has. Making love is NOT SKIN DEEP! Making love is a sexual desire, an emotional and physical reaction to erotic stimulation. To me it’s our way of bonding and expressing how deeply we desire to jump into the one we love’s body and run around like crazy in it longing to dance with their soul... If we remember what making love is all about and why we do it, then a person might not be so quick to take any notice to the imperfections one’s body may have. If THAT'S the case, then :::pfffft::: hand the person a porn magazine, pat their butt out the door and tell the little doggie to run along and have fun trying to fill themselves up with those airbrushed, cold, and uncaring FANTASIES because you can’t waste your REAL hot-blooded, sensual, sexy self on someone who doesn’t place their imagination where it matters or care enough to know the difference!

:::Tapping fingers on desk wondering how I can say the rest without making it sound like I’m cybering::: While making love, your focus is mostly on certain body parts and erogenous zones, NOT what’s surrounding them. The concerns are whether or not you’re making your partner FEEL good. Whatever stage you’re at (whether just starting to lose weight, mid-way, or towards the end) you need to accept yourself as a person who deserves being loved to the fullest. I didn’t say accept the weight, I said accept that you’re a person who is deserving of enjoying the experience of making love. You’re a person made of flesh and bones. Skin is skin; bone is bone, no matter how large or small, it is what it is. You have feelings, needs and desires. You are worth being fulfilled as much as you find your partners needs worth fulfilling. The goal in making love is fulfilling the desires to please the other in everyway possible by making them FEEL more loved than they ever have before, bringing them to amazing heights while making deeper emotional bonds and connections. Making love involves passion, unselfishness, thoughtfulness, imagination, and is an emotional connection all of its own. Let yourself be touched even if there is more to touch then you’d like, it still feels wonderful to be touched and your partner needs to touch you in order to please you, as you also need to touch your partner. If you’re worried about visuals, then make it a point to let your partner see the expressions on your face and look deep in your eyes while they are bringing you to paradise, and you do the same, focus on his/her face and eyes as you’re pleasing your partner! THAT in it self will make you both race each other to see who can do it again, and again, and again! :::hee-hee, I snuck multiple O’s in there, did you catch that?::: Besides, I know no better form of exercise! :::wicked evil grin::: As you continue your weight-loss journey, reward yourself with giving yourself permission to be freely touched in every way imaginable by and with the one you love! Where true love exists, then so does the freedom to always be yourself in all ways! :::Mamma Mia! Would you believe this is the condensed version?!::: There is just all too much to say on this, but I sure hope I stressed the most important parts strongly enough to help free anyone who has unjustly sentenced themselves to a sexless/loveless life.
Love & Hugs… Diana

December 23, 2007 at 3:40 AM  

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